i really should have been keeping a log of everything for the last few weeks. bleh!
On Friday, January 6th (I think), I called Fred to see how he was. We had broken up, but I wanted to maintain our friendship. He was grouchy because he couldn't find his wallet. I offered to come help him look for it, 2 sets of eyes being a bit more useful in that case. He came to pick me up and we drove to the County Vector Control Office. We checked his desk area and ended up finding his wallet in his County vehicle. Afterwards, we drove back to my house and watched television and ate some food. Eventually, we made our way to Yorgo's, a bar round the corner from my house. We met up with my housemate Joshua and had pleasant conversation.
When Joshua left, Fred became sharp with me. He kept saying how being lonely was a perfectly good reason to date someone, which I disagreed with. I didn't want to talk about our break up or our relationship and said so. He said that I was being manipulative and went off on me. I left the bar in tears. Fred followed me back to my house because he'd brought his dog and she was in my kitchen. When we got to the house, Fred kept yelling at me. He wouldn't leave initially when I asked him to go. I tried to walk him out, but he got upset with me and felt like I was pushing him. At the back door, he threw an umbrella (that I'd lent him for the rainy walk to Yorgo's) in my direction. Finally, he left.
The week following that encounter, Fred called me repeatedly . Most of his calls involved yelling and sharp language; I ended those calls by hanging up the phone. It took a few days to find out that he was asking for a joke ID that he'd made from his Multnomah County Vector Control ID. I said that I would look for it, but that I wasn't sure where it was in that moment.
On Friday, January 20th, I was making dinner when the doorbell rang. I ran down the stairs and peeked out the curtain. Fred stood in front of my door with his hands in his pockets. I opened the door and stepped outside. He had been agitated and upset with me the last few times that we had spoken over the phone, so I felt a bit wary. He asked me again for the joke-y ID that he had made from his Multnomah County ID card. I said that I'd still not found it. I was in the process of getting ready to move and I felt very disorganized. He seemed to be understanding about it.
I remembered my eggs on the stove and said that I needed to attend to my dinner. He came in the house with me, but stayed by the front door. I walked to the kitchen and scrambled my eggs. While they were cooking, I prepared some brussels sprouts. (I know, it sounds like a gross dinner, but it was the only food that I had.) The whole time that I was cooking, Fred was standing by the front door.
He kept asking me why I was so angry at him and I kept saying that I
didn't want to talk about it. I tossed the eggs onto a plate and turned my back to finish the sprouts. Suddenly, the plate of eggs crashed on the floor at my feet.
I told Fred that he needed to leave. He wouldn't go. He became verbally abusive. I got scared and tried to call the police on the landline, but he pulled the phone cords out of the wall. I ran to my cell phone (next to the front door). Again, I tried to call the police, but Fred struggled with me for the phone and the call didn't go through. I tried to call Will and Fred grabbed the phone from me. He pushed me and I fell into an end table. I started crying and continued to ask Fred to leave. I sat on the arm of the futon couch while he stood over me yelling that I needed to go find his ID card that instant. When I realized that he wasn't going to leave the house, I bolted out the door to the coffeeshop next door.
I went behind the counter and asked the barista for a phone to call the police. The barista, Slavic, asked me what was happening, but I couldn't speak much. My words weren't working so well. I sat on a bar stool and watched out the windows. I thought I saw Fred drive past the shop headed east on Killingsworth. A few minutes later, I thought I saw him drive past again, toward my house. By this time, I calmed down enough to tell Slavic sort of what was happening.
I started to feel anxious, so I wanted to get back to my house. After about 10 minutes, I walked to the windows to see whether I could see Fred's car. I wanted to ask someone else to come back with me, but I was still having trouble with my words, so I didn't. I couldn't see Fred's car, so I ran back to the house and locked all the doors. I tried to get the landline to work, but I couldn't. (The landlord had shutoff service to that phone number previously.) I wanted to call someone for help, but I couldn't remember anyone's phone number.
I ran to the basement to get into my email account to try to find someone's phone number. A few minutes later, I heard pounding on the back door. I pulled the light cord and hid. I heard Will's voice calling my name and I climbed the stairs and peeked out the back door. "Will?", I called. He heard me and came to the back door. He asked me if I was okay and I started to tell him everything that had happened, but he interrupted me to say that the police were on their way. I sat in the big armchair in the living room and waited, while Will paced around the windows. When he saw their flashing lights, he ran outside to greet them. They came in the house and asked me questions. Will sat on a couch behind them.
It was very stressful and tearful to answer the police questions. I don't tend to have quite enough adrenaline in my body and I felt overwhelmed. I still hadn't eaten my dinner and I was having trouble focusing. The police ask you the same question 3 times or so to make sure that you have your story straight. They poked around the house a little bit, presented me with information for filing a restraining order, and left.
Will started to clean up the broken plate, but I asked if we could please just leave. We drove to his house where I stayed the night. The rest of the weekend, I stayed with either Will or with Joshua. I was feeling pretty frightened. I talked with family and friends. My godmother urged me to find the ID card, which I found.
On Monday, January 23rd, I called the Portland Women's Crisis Line to ask them about filing a restraining order. They said that I'd have to go down to the courthouse and file it in person. Melinda and I left our office and headed to the courthouse. I filled out all of the paperwork and handed it in. I had to return at 1:30 pm to stand before the judge. The judge initialled everything. The sheriff would serve the papers to Fred the next day.
Melinda and I drove home from work. I thought that I saw Fred's car in front of my house and I felt scared. Melinda agreed to come into the house with me. We walked up the driveway. On the back porch was a bouquet of flowers with a note from Fred. It was an apology. I still felt shaken, so Melinda and I went to Sagittarius to wait for Will (who was meeting me for dinner anyway).
Slowly, over the last week, I've calmed down a bit. I'm trying to focus on finding a place to live before the end of the month (tomorrow!). This morning, while sorting the mail at work, I got a letter from the Sheriff's Office. Fred is contesting the restraining order. I'm going to have to go to court now on February 13th.