artist growing

temp job: suicide conference

i've been working at a conference for suicide prevention for the last few days. i'm registering folks, but there hasn't been too much stuff going on at the tables that i've worked. today, i manned the "speaker ready room" where i registered speakers for the conference and assisted them with reviewing their powerpoint presentations. while waiting for people to show up, i've written tons in my journal and folded lots of origami cranes. i peeled the acrylic paint off my fingers from last night's wonderful session.  i learned the basics of powerpoint, which i'd never used before. i'd even learned a bit about suicide prevention concepts, as gleaned from folks'  powerpoint presentions.

for example, i didn't know that suicide has been in the top ten causes of death since 1975 or the unexpected prevalance of elderly suicide, particularly for men. i felt so proud of all the researchers who were sharing their work with each other so that they could save lives. i asked all the presenters questions about how factors related and the prescriptive techniques thereby indicated. i must have made a good  impression on folks as one of the researchers offered me a job at her epidemiology agency. i'm going to bring her my resume tomorrow. who knows?

it's my party. . .

last night was my tropical party. i told the guests to come starting around 8pm. at 6, fred and i went to grocery stores and liquor stores stocking up on rum, vodka, juice, and fruit. we came home at 7pm and started cleaning and prepping some of the food. at half past 8, fred left to get a friend from the airport. i stayed at home getting everything else ready.

an hour later, i had myself a drink and was listening to loud david byrne music. i played with my cat, bunk. he was my only party guest and he wasn't even human. . . still, i'd promised myself a grand time. i dipped veggies and ate chips and salsa. i enjoyed my drink and my company.

a little while later, fred came back to the house with jessie. by 10pm some folks came over. my friends showed up around 11 or so. we had so much fun. i was so happy to see each person when they walked in the door. we talked and drank till 2.  we even set off firecrackers and sparklers (because it isn't really a party unless something explodes).  we ran out of beer, rum, and vodka. we ran out of guacamole, dip, and veggies. we still have some juice left.  fun times....

oh, kitty

my poor kitty! he's got a cut on his eye and his cornea is torn. we had to take him to the vet yesterday and he's got an ointment and an antibiotic prescription.

now when he swats at bottle caps on the floor, he's much more likely to miss them.

best cat game ever

i discovered the best cat game. you go outside with your kitty on a beautiful sunny, breezy day. you blow bubbles and watch your cat pounce on them. he gets confused. he tries to sneak up on the ones that are caught, still shimmery, on the grass. he leaps high when the breeze catches the bubbles and lifts them up... it made me laugh out loud.

also, today, i drew the shadows that intersected with the sidewalk in front of my house. shadows are interesting and very mobile (on a breezy day). i felt like i was trying to capture them, getting them to stay in my lines.

blues begone

i'm feeling much better today. i don't know. i think sometimes when i re-read my writing that my mood fluctuates a little too much. i get too overwhelmed with sadnesses and frustrations. i have to keep that in mind a little bit better.

today, i went for a walk up to the library. i found a children's book that was half in spanish and half in english. i'm going to use it to learn a little more spanish for reading. i think that will be fun. at the library, i ran into my friends drew and colleen. it was good to see them, even if it was very briefly.

when i left the library, i saw a guy i went on a few dates with last year. he'd moved up to the neighborhood. he invited me to come to drawing sessions at his house (when they started up) and to his shows at different galleries in the area. i'm going to try to go tomorrow. he also reminded me that he still had a perl book of mine and that i had 2 of his magazines. he'd left them at my house 6 months ago and i started to collage with one of them. oops. still, it was nice to see chris. we're going to trade skills: he'll teach me silkscreening and i'll teach him some web stuff.

i didn't invite him to my party this weekend, but i did invite a bunch of folks. i hope it goes well. i hope i didn't forget anyone and that lots of people can come.

beer and television

oh, i'm having a strange day.

it is gorgeous in portland these days. the crocuses are in bloom. the camellia are in bloom. the lawns are green and the trees in bud. crazy, huh?

i had a rough morning. my housemates were all out saving the world by planting trees. i stayed in my bed pretending to be asleep. i felt so sad. i don't know why. i felt terribly lonely.

i did what i do so often when i am so sad in the morning. i got myself ready for a walk. i walked for miles. i love walking out my mood. i love feeling that strange flow again. i walked to the shop where i buy "tom bombadil" smoothies (full of beets and greens, garlic, oranges, and i don't know what). their blender was dead so i settled for an orange juice. my walking wasn't done yet, so i kept on going. i went to a hair salon to ask for a shampoo, but they were booked.

on the way back, matt stopped me. he lives in the neighborhood these days, so it is reasonable to assume i'll run into him. we had a nice talk and looked at records together. i was overly excited that he was excited about the nina simone record that i would have bought had i had a record player. then, kristin came in and shot daggers at me with her eyes. i don't know why she still hates me. i mean, she's been with matt for over a year now. blech!

i walked up the street and saw some friends driving in the opposite direction. they saw me and stopped the car. eric and erin ran up to me to hug me hellos. they were dave's friends and i hadn't seen them since december or something. i dutifully invited them to my tropical party next weekend.

i came home and drew a sidewalk chalk mandala on the tarmac in front of our house. then i started drinking. i haven't done much since except for watching television, drinking, and reading. oh, and i roasted a pan full of chicken thighs and took out an order of sushi (dragon rolls: river eel + spicy tuna + avocado = yum!).  my exciting saturday night plan is to watch even more television and to drink even more beer. yay!

scrap happy

i discovered the loveliness of SCRAP, the School and Community Resource Action Project. It is a non-profit organization where you can buy things like discarded foam remnants, carpet samples, old calanders, and bits of metal junk. it is exactly the sort of place that inspires me to make collage-olicious art. it is exactly the sort of place that i love. i'm going to try to volunteer there.

i biked up to new seasons today and applied for a job there. i don't know, maybe i'll get to work in the produce department or something. i like the store. it wouldn't be terrible to work there. on my bike ride, i saw sara braun-- a reed chick. she invited me to a birthday party on sunday. oh, boy! i'm excited.

my social life has pretty much dissolved in the last few weeks. i'm not sure why. i think that friends have been busy and that dave's break up with me were some factors. i think i'm also just not so excited to be social lately. i'm perfectly happy to sit at home, alone, for too long. maybe. i'm feeling very happy and anxious for my upcoming tropical party; it'll be so nice to see so  many people again.

day of overwhelming men

yesterday, i woke up and felt a bit out-of-sorts. my coffee-tending on monday and tuesday had worn out my supply of adrenaline and i felt worn out and sensitive. i looked forward to a day of relaxation and recovery.

i called my cousin jason and we made a plan to have lunch together. now jason is a man's man. he practically oozes a certain masculine machismo... we ate lunch at gravy and he talked on about his job and its frustrations. it was wonderful to see him, but i felt a little drained and overwhelmed afterwards.

when i got home, my friend drew called and wanted to hang out with me. we drove down to mississippi and ran some errands. i finally explored the light bulb store on shaver. i had no idea there was such a variety of light bulbs or that a business could survive just by selling them. drew announced that his car was behaving "funny". i suggested that he drive me home and then call the mechanic. instead, drew drove a few miles to a bank and then parked the car in horror of its mechanical failures. i waited with him for AAA and for his wife. i had to find my own way home. when i got there, i felt even more drained and overwhelmed.

dave picked me up to go to see "the incredibles" at laurelhurst theater. we haven't hung out that much since we broke up a month or so ago. it was okay, but we were both pretty subdued. i was a bit sensitive- every flash and bang on the screen had me jumping in my seat. i'm glad i didn't go to a more violent film...

when i got home, my housemates and i stood chatting on the back porch. we headed to yorgo's, our neighborhood bar round the corner. we stayed drinking beer and playing pool until the bar closed. the whole time we were there, men kept coming up to our group to talk and to challenge us to games. they mostly were just hitting on me. i felt overwhelmed by all the attention. my housemates teased me about how they felt so protective of me, but confident in my ability to take care of myself.

coffee job (etc)

i got to make coffee in the fancy law firm again today. folks totally recognized me. one chick even went out of her way to make conversation with me. it felt weird to be around so many people at once. for the most part, i moved on auto-pilot. not very exciting...

i'm reading a book on pregnancy. it is fun to go into a bar and order a whiskey and read my book there. i'm not pregnant, but, of course most folks think that i am. they don't hit on me.

mac-n-cheese and other goal direction

last weekend, when i visited jay, i was inspired to be as goal-directed in my fun as he is. i've been struggling with that characteristic anyway and felt the need to do something about it. it was hard, but i think i got some stuff going. i think it is partly that i have to work tomorrow that helps me to have a little more direction in my free time.

today, i went for a gorgeous walk in the rain, which turned to hail. the sun was out, though, and i got to see some of the most brilliant rainbows that i've seen in years. i walked to the bakery and then to the goodwill. at the goodwill, i bought a bunch of playing cards and a picture frame. the playing cards are for a new art project... i didn't buy a beautiful tarnished silver teapot.

i came home and hung a few of my paintings in the house and cleaned my room. i decided to bake a smores pie: a melted hershey bar with marshmellows in a cookie crust. i used the crumbs from my christmas biscotti instead of graham crackers. i made a huge pot of mac-n-cheese. yum! it'll go good with the carnivale episode tonight.

i also decided to have a tropical party the last saturday of february. it'll be great. we'll drink fruity rum drinks and beer and eat lots of tasty treats. i'll invite my friends and amy and fred will have their social circles present also. we'll dance and drink and talk and laugh. (i hope.)